Friday, January 26, 2007

just five minutes from under the microscope

It's probably breaking a big internal rule I have, what I am about to do. But, you know, I have been on such a bender that I have so little coherence to offer. The best I can do is give you an email stream that occurred this morning. Now that I am all about the friend zone, I can find it all hilarious and fun, instead of uncomfortable and stomach-churning.

Email #1:
Subject: bad idea?
Body: How you feeling?

That's pretty funny, y'all. I was unable to respond to this one because the sender showed up in my office to ask in person, and to laugh at my pathetic state.

It continued on email, but it may as well have been IM, due to the artillery-fire nature of the frequency. So, I'll translate it here to IM-speak:

    me: Is it bad that it is taking inordinate effort to type this email (or read emails, for that matter) right now?
    conversant: I know. My eyes keep jumping around the screen and I'm having trouble concentrating. I think I'm sobering up.
    me: Update- I now may have the shakes. Is this a sign of withdrawal?
    conversant: Sadly, I don't feel that bad. Something is wrong with me. It's like me body has alcohol memory. (editorial comment: the typos in that last sentence are not mine, and I'm not even sure what was meant by it)
    me: Maybe it's because you were nursing Budweiser's for the better part of the night.
    conversant: (editorial comment: wait for it) I'm a long distance rubber not a sprinter.
    me: Your typos are hilarious.
    conversant: That's funny. Damn Blackberry.
    me: You do realize that, were I just slightly less hungover, my brain would be exploding from the number of long distance rubber jokes dividing at alarming rates.
    conversant: Get your mind out of the Mission (I mean, gutter).

So, all in all, productive day. I think the lesson here is that I operate best when treated like one of the guys, even if it does result in massive cell death throughout my organ systems. Sometimes you just have to man up, even if you are a woman. So the other lesson (or the more sensible one, I suppose) is that drinking with frat boys can be hazardous to your health.

p.s. Marina supposedly-Pac Heights girl tried to move the party out of the Mission, and she got left behind. It was actually a little mean. She got into a cab, thinking she was going to share it with two other people. Instead, the dudes asked "anybody up for another drink in the Mission?" and that's all she wrote.

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