Wednesday, November 19, 2008

So I'm walking through the desert

Well, I am annoyed because I'm having some wacked-out issues with getting on Flickr at the moment, and thus have not been able to post a picture of my latest knitting adventure. Let's just say it is well-timed for the chill that is finally heading this way. Not as well-timed? The heater for the front half of my apartment is busted up, just in time for when I might actually need it.

I am bracing myself at the moment, because I am supposed to meet up with a classmate, who is going to start harassing me about another classmate. I've noticed that there are a few people in my life who are just not comfortable with my marital status. It's really odd, because a lot of times these are people who do not know me all that well, so I wonder why they even care. On the other hand, maybe that's exactly why they don't just let me be. Most of those who know me know better, leave well enough alone.

Here's the thing. I'm no prize, I'll be the first to admit, but that does not mean I am willing to settle. This has always been a problem for me. I am always more willing to suffer from heartbreak than to suffocate from boredom. I do not mind being alone, and I do not even mind loneliness- unless I'm lonely when with someone else. And that's what, it seems, happens when you compromise for less than what you want.

And what I want is really so simple actually, in that I want everything.

Well, the everything that is something. That's what it is. Something is everything, or just nothing. And right now, all of these fools are trying to make something out of nothing.

Anyhow, enough of that noise. I've got a pile of lectures to slog through. But in the meanwhile, have you all heard of this band Fiction? I have no idea how I wound up with one of their songs on my iTunes playlist, but now I cannot stop listening to it. The song is called Salty, and I might just wind up posting it tomorrow. It might be time to bring songs of the week back here, because I'm not loving tumblr, and I am too lazy to figure out the alternatives to muxtape. Anyway, Salty is one of those songs that makes me feel like it should be a soundtrack for my life or for someone else's. In this specific instance, probably someone else's, because the song might just be too cool to fit anything that's ever happened to me. Species pressing up the stream, ways to go, brave new world, undertow, ocean change, which way, this way, banishing sound. The words and music suggest a bubbling up, building, and then switches to a spooky, lilting drift, the music sinking back down into the sea. I'm a sucker for it, for the big push and drive that ends with a drowning.

Not to be a downer. This post would have been much more satisfying for me were there a sweater in it.

No comments: