maybe just half a drink more

Yesterday was a less hectic work day and some of the other residents and I were gathered in the work room, getting some notes squared away. One of the residents put some Pandora holiday station on, and the work room became Christmas carol central. I'm not exactly a grinch. I don't like all the fuss about most things in general, but I like the holiday season. I like getting in the spirit.

One of my co-residents grilled me for 20 minutes yesterday because I recognized Rufus Wainwright in less than 4 notes. And until yesterday, I can honestly say that, although I am fond of song lyrics in general, I did not know that Baby It's Cold Outside included this gem:

at least there will be plenty implied  

if you caught pneumonia and died

That's a bit morbid!

I don't know if the carols got me in the spirit. It might have been all of us in the work room, chatting gaily, and laughing from our bellies. This time of year, I reflect on how lucky I am, even when I sometimes have this pang of self-pity. Whatever I have to complain about, I do have the privilege of having a job that I love-- and it is true love, which means that sometimes I want to spit and scream at it, and other times I am swooning, but either way, we are meant to be. I like what I do, I enjoy my co-workers, and though I might sometimes come down with annoying coughs, I have my health. My loved ones are well.

I don't know. I saw a patient in clinic today, who I quickly learned had been battling depression for a long time, and my preceptor asked him when he was last happy. He said, "never" and it wasn't a ploy. But then he said he had a period of a few years when he felt an "interior sense of joy," and that stuck with me. It seems like a good thing to have. I guess I always assumed that, should one achieve that state, that sense, that it would be permanent. I guess nothing is.

But I don't know if I believe that either.

Anyway, getting to the point. This year, I'm free enough to do a little baking in December. So I got myself in the true holiday spirit in the only way that would work for me. I made a batch of molasses spice cookies, because nothing reminds me more of the holidays than those. And I fixed myself a Domaine Canton with ginger ale. And then it was 'tis the season and all of that.