Sunday, July 27, 2008

I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time

Really, it's shameful to title my post this way. True mark of a kindred spirit- early on in our friendship, RR and I spent the better part of a half-hour discussing the idiocy of Bush's Glycerine. Of course, what both of us smoothly glossed over, implicit in even having the little bash-a-thon, was that we both clearly knew the song well enough to quote the lyrics to each other.

It's shameful, and no way in all of the decreasingly green Earth would I give Rossdale credit for it, but I've put a lot of meaning into that one simple line. I extract it wholly, lift it from the song as if it can stand wholly on its own. The song, after all, has no meaning, I contend. You can try to convince me otherwise, but RR & I took a hard look at those lyrics and concluded Rossdale was just clumsily grasping for a rhyme or two. Still. I heard the line, completely out of context- I was starting to drive and the radio came on and there wafted Rossdale's voice crooning just that line- I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time.

And I don't know why, but for some reason, it meant something today. I guess that's the thing about music. Musicians are not exactly rocket scientists, but the way they express things, well, you just never know. You can hear a song a million times, and all of a sudden, on the right day, in the right moment, it can surprisingly mean something to you.

Today, when I heard it, I just, at that second, thought- I think this might encapsulate my entire life. Because that's really just about it. It's this weird oscillation, or maybe even a dichotomy. I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time. I don't even know what else to say. It's the great tragedy/comedy of life, that, so often, the people that are around you are no substitute for the people you miss. Or, perhaps more to the point, the people who want to be around you often do not overlap on a Venn diagram with the people you want to be around.

It's the ultimate in being a malcontent, really, to complain about that. But I'd note, I'm not complaining really. It's sort of gone on for far too long to whine about it nowadays. Nowadays, all I can manage is a plaintive I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time.

I owe some people some comments and thoughtful responses, and they are coming. I just had to mark this down, because I am crawling the walls in study-mode, and needed a quick little outlet. Thank you, as always, for indulging me.

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