Monday, March 07, 2005

east to west, do or die

Warning: verbal outburst imminent.

I have U2's "Seconds" banging in my head right now. It's the drums, and the bass, the march. It's foreboding. Which, unfortunately, is quite appropriate at the moment.

About an hour ago, I received some news. It was of the torturous variety- it can be summed up as follows: "We are writing to inform you that we have made a decision. You will find out what that decision is in about one week." WTF?!? What kind of "informing" is that?!? It might be hard to believe for people who read this blog occasionally, but being angry is not my natural state. In fact, I find it incredibly uncomfortable to remain in that state for very long. But letters like this are slowly chipping away at both my sanity and my inner peace. F***ers.

Unbelievably enough, I never thought I would write these words, but I'm yearning suddenly, helplessly hoping, longing for Southern California. All of a sudden, all of my excitement about visiting New York, all the hope of rediscovering the finer things about the east coast, all of it has dissolved. Nay, spontaneously combusted. Now, I know it can be recovered. I know that, likely by tomorrow, it will be back, and I will be back to being cautiously optimistic. But right now, there's no tangibility. There's only this moment, this news, and anger at the ulcer that is likely growing by the minute.

Less angst-filled, touchy-feely post tomorrow...

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