Thursday, May 31, 2007

holidays must end as you know

Now I know what everyone else is talking about when they say, after taking a blogging break, it becomes increasingly difficult to return to it. It's strange, because I just got back from this fantastic trip, and I really ought to sit down and write something about it, but the blog tends to be whatever is happening or on my mind right this minute. And Spain, Germany, all of it in the span of two days has become a distant memory. There's so much here and now to deal with, or so it seems.

And yet. Oddly, still, it doesn't feel like there is anything to write. My life in San Francisco was undoubtedly dull, but somehow being at home in EBF feels more dull. Or maybe the dullness is on my mind, because I always associate EBF with doledrums, with feeling stuck and trapped, with restlessness and longing.

And rest assured, there is plenty of restlessness. I feel like if I sat at home and watched television all afternoon, I might burst into tears and completely forget that I have a lot of good things ahead of me, reverting back to the blah of adolescence. Then again, I may have also failed to turn the television on because I cannot figure out how to turn it on, what with the ten different remote controls my father has scattered about the house. But mind you, I'm not admitting to that.

Before I left San Francisco, surveying my belongings all packed up in stacked boxes, the broseph remarked, "Dude, you have too many hobbies." I never thought I did, but, looking at the boxes, the evidence stacked up against me quite literally. Then again, I am starting to see what that's all about. I think the only way I can relax is to do something. This is probably why I found walking for four hours a day all over Spain more fun than I would have found relaxing on some beach or tropical resort for two weeks.

And even though Spain was relaxing and good for me, I did come back restless, ready to do something once again. If only I could use this motivation for some good purpose, I might have actually made something of myself. Instead, I made these:
messy into mango
the things we did and didn't do
And played guitar for two hours a day for the past two days. Thank goodness for empty houses in the boondocks.

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