we're tumbling down, we're spiralling

Lately, whenever I am writing a post, I have a test looming over my head, or unanswered emails piling up in my inbox, or an ever-growing list of to-do's that always seems neglected. In short, lately, it just seems like I am not on top of my sh*t.

Despite all that, there's one thing I do not let slide. Stupid and wrongheaded as my priorities are, I do stand by them. I've devised a little strategem by which I am justified in baking something nearly every week. Sometimes, it is simple- stuff you've seen a zillion pictures of already, and I won't bore you with again. Other times, I am in the mood for experimentation. Last week, I forced a classmate to steal a gigantic zucchini from her grandmother's garden. I lived to regret it, as I wound up with two loaves of chocolate zucchini bread, and over a dozen zucchini muffins (pictures pending because the first loaf of bread got devoured at a party, and the second one, I sensibly froze).

It doesn't really even matter anymore. Whether I am in the mood for something practical, something I know everyone will eat, or something that will push the envelope. I just know that it has to be done. Every week, and if the week drags on and somehow it doesn't happen, I get a kind of twitch. I know something's off, that there's been some disturbance in the force.



These were greeted well by those who ate them while studying for a final a week back. Me, I'm not a big fan. I've played around with chocolate cookies, and I've come to this conclusion- you ought not dilute down chocolate. It performs best in its pure form. So chop it up (soon to make a repeat showing, a few weeks ago, I chopped up a Toblerone bar in cookies, and those were some good times), eat it straight, or at most make a cream or sauce out of it. Otherwise, chocolate things always fall short. I write that, but I've far from given up on it. It's just that it always misses the mark. My classmates didn't care though, because of the chips. Those are Guittard, cappuccino flavored. And let's just say med school is not in shortage of coffee fiends.

Me, I have never been a coffee drinker. I recently forced myself to start drinking chai lattes, but only while rolling my eyes about the whole thing. So, these cookies did very little for me, except provide me with a small measure of sanity in an often insanity-inducing world. For now, that's more than enough.

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It also bums me out that Bernie Mac passed away this weekend. Bernie Mac always struck me as what a man should really be. He reminded me of all the qualities I loved about my uncles. You know- grumpy and begrudging about stuff, but fundamentally good. He is something of an ideal to me- flawed, had a temper, but you knew he wouldn't hurt a fly. Complaining all the way, but doing extraordinary things for his family. I loved that about him, because it was so real. And as someone who does this every once in a while often, I liked that he wasn't afraid to talk sh*t about his family. To me, those imperfections and mania of internal family squabbles and drama and idiosynchrasies are what make life worth relating. And no matter how crazy your family seems to be, when you tell a story about them, someone always seems to pick out some aspect of it that resonates with them. Bernie Mac seemed to do that better than anyone else at the game these days.