Ugh. You guys, I wish I could operate in my personal life the way that I do in my professional life. That sounds ridiculous, I know. But in my professional life, I am logical and calm. I can be generous but I don't allow myself to be pushed around. And I can get extremely upset by a bad outcome, I can work through it, and then I can move on.
But when it comes to getting over things outside of work, I am as hopeless as a penny with a hole in it. I don't understand it.
There's been this running joke, that I'm someone who is to be an internist, which connotes that I am someone who has to analyze a thing to death, look at a thing from every angle, learn its history, follow it until the truth becomes clear. Obsessesive. Relentless. Supposedly.
In contrast, the surgeon is someone who is supposed to cut or cut loose. Black and white. Either there's something to be done and it's done, or there's nothing to be done and it's over. Ruthless. Supposedly.
But the internist is the doctor who tells a patient that maybe it's time to let go and stop fighting so hard when the chances of meaningful recovery are dwindling. And the surgeon is the doctor who will fight the most fiercely and break the hardest sweat if he thinks there is a chance.
At least I spend more time working than anything else right now, so if I'm going to get one part of my life right, it's the right part at the moment.