I wish I was a little taller, I wish I was a baller

One of my cousins, M, never emails, never calls, is forever out of touch. Whenever anyone in our family gets together, she's the one that is always the subject of the what in the world is she up to now? inquiry. I'm not a superstar about keeping in contact with everyone (although I am a superstar about falling all the time), but she's notorious for her ethereal, intangible state of existence.

It has been one of those craptastic days, where there is too much to do at work and too much to do personally, where the slightest nuisance feels like cause for a storm of rage that is nearly blunt-worthy. But truly, it's at moments like this that I realize I'm one of the luckiest people alive. Yes, b*tches, I said it (that was a shout-out to Chappelle- get better soon, buddy). Every time I think I can't take it anymore, some additional awful thing happens, and I start to fume. And then a saving grace arrives. Today, it was a seven paragraph string of words from M. I was suddenly grateful for the fleeting manner of her presence, because that is what made the email so cherished, such a boon. All the Office Space moments at work today disappeared into the white noise. Sh*t... I'm starting to embody Peter Gibbons' indifference!

Something else that has been keeping me pleased as punch, although it's giving me the urge to dance around my office (thus far, I've managed to keep it to swivelling around on my chair a few times), is this lovely tune by Junior Senior. (warning: do not click on the link unless you are prepared to obey the song's instructions to move your feet).

Since it seems to have suddenly become the day of the most random post ever, here's some things you should know about me and basketball:

• I used to play, until I was 13, and all of a sudden, everyone was taller than me. I think I can still play a mean game of horse with a little practice.
• My favorite player is Nate "Tiny" Archibald- speed, agility, short stature, and after retiring, he went out and worked with kids in Harlem.
• My mom threw a bigger party for the 16th championship of the Boston Celtics than she did for my 16th birthday.
• I can't keep up with college ball.
• I hate Phil Jackson with the fire of a 1000 suns. I pray that the rumors are not true, and that he will not return to coaching next year. If he does, I'm sure he will go for Larry Brown's position, because he is a gloryhound, and Brown's turned the Pistons into a team that Jackson can't ruin. My disdain may also have to do with Jackson trying to usurp Red Auerbach's championship record- b*tch, leave those Celtics stats alone, damnit!
• Because of Jeff Van Gundy, I actually cheered for the Knicks for a long time.
• I've always been a fan of NBA fights. It's like watching women catfighting. Van Gundy grabbing Alonzo Mourning's leg in the Heat-Knicks playoff series is only second to the Danny Ainge-Tree Rollins "biting incident" as the funniest sports fights ever.
• It's the Van Gundy name that now leads me to cheer for the Heat. Well, that and Dwyane Wade- that guy is scary. And the fact that Shaq winning the championships this year would be an indirect f*** you to Kobe. And Alonzo Mourning playing with one kidney. Come on, give them the championship already.
• I stayed in the same hotel as the Nets, and was in a hotel bar when Jason Kidd & David Stern sat down at the table next to me to bemoan the Nets losing the final game to the Spurs two years ago.
• I like Allen Iverson. I know it's wrong, but I do.

Hey, what can I say? It's NBA playoff season. My brother and I watched the Heat beat the Wizards on Saturday, and I went all Godfather III- "just when I thought that I was out, they pull me back in."

I know I'm going to get in big trouble for writing this, but I'm a little tired of all the Star Wars hype already. My friend Richie Rich sent me some review that claimed Revenge of the Sith is better than Empire Strikes Back. That gets a big fat b*tch, please from. What was the reviewer smoking when he made that claim? Let's review what Empire Strikes Back had going for it:

• Harrison Ford & Carrie Fisher. In other words, actors who have chemistry and know how to deliver lines tongue-in-cheek.
• The quintessential macho/romantic line- "I know."
• Introduction of Yoda and "There is another."
• Luke Skywalker losing the whininess displayed in A New Hope and getting his hand lopped off by his dad.
• George Lucas did not direct.

You can't convince me Revenge of the Sith can compete with that. All it can hope to do is not ruin the legacy of Empire (or at least not ruin it any worse than the Ewoks did).

Tomorrow: a post with less expletives.