Thursday, September 07, 2006

now I stand on honest ground, on honest ground

Oh mother of bad news. The job that was offered to me? It disappeared. Supposedly, it has temporarily dissolved into thin air, and will take shape again at the end of October. But quite frankly, that stinks. I may have to finally follow everyone's advice and just drop out of the workforce.

Of course, I will not really do that because:
  • I have three cross-country flights that are going to cost me a pretty penny.
  • The Goal is a money pit.
  • I am Guju.

Anyways, in some ways, this calms things down. There have been way too many balls in the air. At first, that meant there were a lot of balls to juggle. This had its benefits though, because when all your focus is spent on juggling, you spend less time obsessing. But that phase ended, and it had turned into just having a lot of balls in the air, suspended indefinitely, precariously, waiting to drop without warning. Not having the option of switching jobs takes one of those uncertainties away. Even though this is not the best news, at least it is news. And right now, there are too many abstractions. So anything concrete automatically feels comforting.

In other news, it's like the invasion of the east coasters of late. Technically, A N N A & Chai could be considered bicoastal. But, tomorrow, my friend MM visits with her brood of children, which poses a problem I never have had to consider- where does one go out to eat with friends who have little anklebiters? Maybe I will just find people who have strollers and follow them to wherever they are heading. MM also hinted at wanting to see my crack shack, but I am sorry to inform her that will not be happening this go-round. Despite my best efforts, it remains in ruins. And I am not subjecting two small children to such terror.

This weekend, IS, another east coaster, is supposed to be in town, so I am supposed to hang with him at some point too. My only promise to him is to drag him away from the boredom of Moscone Convention Center and take him away from the conference-goers who wear their badges around their neck while walking on 3rd Street. In other words- meeting him will be effortless.

Just as I expected, now that I have finished what could loosely be called Phase One of The Goal, life has arrived and demanded compensation. Along with the east coasters, I need to be mindful of a lot of people I have neglected for the past few months. I know that I ought not to look at this as an obligation, but honestly, when your friends deliver a sufficient number of guilt trips (my favorites are the ones disguised as "I don't know if you're mad at me") about your lack of availability, it does become something of an obligation. Contrary to what you might expect, I am trying really hard to purge the negative energy out of my brain and just be glad about reconnecting with friends. But I am not always successful.

Still, a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down: meeting up with a work-GBF to go see Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown tonight will be the opposite of an obligation. Of course, the film title would suggest it is my biopic at this point. But then again, I am okay with the verge- the verge is an okay place to be. As long as I keep myself on the verge, I call a day a success. Remember the team motto in Dodgeball: aim low. Words to live by if ever there were.

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