hold on, hold on to yourself

This is the part where I start to get a little jealous of people out there. People who either really celebrate Christmas or really don't. People who regularly visit their parents every Christmas. People without layers upon layers of dysfunction running through their family. People who don't have cousins with a mean-streak that is so malicious that you wonder if you really share the same blood. Better yet, people who do not have to travel during the holidays. Or people who just get to spend Christmas blissfully alone. This is the part where I get jealous of everyone.

No worries. It's a temporary reaction. Just please, someone smack me in the head should I ever suggest that I will be going to Austin for the holidays. I did it for my grandfather, and I am glad I did it. But all the same, please deliver me a can of whoopa$$ if I ever even hint at it again. There are more neutral places to meet my grandfather, and in some ways, it would probably be less costly to fly my grandfather out to meet me. Because there are dollars, and then there are expenses. And my mental health can't pay the kind of bills that come with visiting Austin.

I have stolen away to a quiet corner though, stolen away because I have had it, but stolen away also because I need to get it together. Time for a few serenity now's, because I leave tomorrow. I just have to make it to tomorrow afternoon, and it's back to the oasis of visiting K.

K & M always joke that my baking levels increase exponentially in relation to my stress levels. Well, last night, I baked two trays of brownies and a batch of scones. This morning, I made brunch for 16 people. I can make it. I can make it. And if not, I think there are still some eggs, butter and flour around here, so I should be able to manage something.