Tuesday, March 10, 2009

across the universe

Disclaimer: I'm giving this a whirl, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've been doing this exercise for the past couple of days, just to keep myself from losing my mind. I listen to a song, and I give myself about 10 minutes, and write what comes to mind. My point is that the next several posts will probably be extremely self-indulgent, possibly incoherent, and kind of free form (hmm, how is that different than usual?). I might balk at this in the next day or two; I'm bad when it comes to commitment at the moment. We'll see.


How could there not be something supernatural at play? A scientist, by training, wants to doubt. A scientist has to question.

I used to think it was just human nature. Be nice to someone, and they’re nice to you. Live a good life, and there will be goodness around you. Meaning (as my dad prefaces when he is trying to make a point): you have control. You decide, you determine. It’s an equation, it’s Le Chatelier’s principle, it’s science.

Except no.

Some days you lose everything. You stand over a waterfall and see your whole life crashing with such force against those rocks. You think you’re that meaningless, you think your life is that insignificant. And that is true.

But it’s not the only truth.

Explain it, that which has no explanation. Explain how, suddenly, and with no warning or reason, people can disappear out of your life. People who you thought were there forever, who were your constants, just gone. Explain it, but you absolutely can’t.

And then explain this, even more impossible to explain, even more difficult to define or describe. Explain how, just when you have concluded that such is life, and no one is reliable and nothing is forever, other people reappear, ghosts coming out of the ether and holding out their hand. They say, ‘we’re here, and we missed you.’ Explain it, how suddenly, someone’s words say ‘You mean something to me. Your life has significance to me.’ And that is true too. Even though it may not be true tomorrow.

Explain that, explain it all, but really you can’t. Be nice to someone, and they’re nice to you. Maybe. Maybe not. But be nice anyway, because there’s a chance, and the chance is worth it.

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