Wednesday, March 11, 2009

dirt off your shoulder

Disclaimer: see yesterday's post for an explanation.


Sometimes, and it’s embarrassing to admit, because pride always comes before a fall, but sometimes, I feel invincible. It’s easy when you’re self-contained and everything depends solely on you. Which is, of course, a total lie that we tell ourselves.

I can only keep my molecules together, can only keep myself completely within the margins of reason for a window of time. But during that time, oh, I won't be pushed around. No one on the corner has swagger like me.

And during that time, for that brief window of time, I can’t be swayed. I am single-minded in my purpose. I have some kind of fire that fuels me forward, and the road before me is certain.

This power is free of all insecurity. I am unapologetic, as I discard any source of noise, anyone that stands in my way. Give me a guilt trip- I will look at you with the blankest look of indifference. No one can hurt me.

How I envy those who maintain this kind of pomposity, this kind of self-assured arrogance for all of their days. Me, I can only make it for a window of time. And then I wonder who am I kidding, and all of that certainty and bravado leeches out of me. At which time, I am just like anyone else. I always was, but then I’m back to knowing it.

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