Thursday, October 13, 2005

I was out on the radio starting to change

Have you ever found yourself genuinely surprised at your own reaction to something? This week has been one, big surprise for me. First, I was surprised that I was stressed out about my first exam in a millenium or so. Next, I was surprised at the endorphin rush that gripped me following completion of my second exam. Then, I was surprised that I dealt with a recent development maturely, when normally, I would be running around searching for an industrial-sized bottle of vodka to sink myself into a hole of melancholy. Last night, when I expected to completely sloth-out while watching tv, I found myself unpredictably dissatisfied. I thought that after two exams and the threat of drama, I would be mentally taxed. Instead, the only thing that quelled my hyperactivity last night was reading a journal article.

In fairness, I think I can blame the meh reaction to watching television on J.J. Abrams. This guy has never met a promising show that he can't ruin. There were many signs reading "Welcome to the suck", among them:
  • Oh look, I can speak English! Oh wait, no I can't, it was all just a dream.
  • "At least we all have jobs again" = welcome to Gilligan's Island.
  • Hi, my name is Naveen Andrews, but you can just call me the resident handy man. Any signs of my character having real personality in Season 1 were just written to get me to sign an extended contract.
  • Punching Sawyer in the face once, yes please. Punching Sawyer in the face as being the standard way to court his interest, no thanks. Also, I think his arm should be chopped off due to gangrene by the next episode.
It doesn't look good, peeps. Maybe I'm just sensitive because this makes up 85% of the television I watch these days.

I woke up without an alarm this morning. Nothing makes sense, and the absurdity is delicious. I should be stressed out, I should be paralyzed by the amount of things I have to get done. I should be freaking out about a gentle breeze from the past. But I'm not doing any of those things. Maybe it's that phenomenon of gradual changes that go unnoticed having a cumulative effect. You tend not to notice that you have learned how to handle an issue until it presents itself again. Maybe it's that I really have picked a path worth walking. I read too much into most everything, and in this case, I have created an entire novel out of nothing. Still, I feel a little invincible at the moment. I expected to be in the dumps, and instead I find myself energized. Normally, this would feel penultimate, like the inevitable downward spiral was just waiting to follow. But today, all I have are surprises, and the strangely comforting thought that I have no idea who I have become.

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