Friday, December 30, 2005

turn the clock to zero

It has been a long December, and there is reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last. Why? I will tell you why. Granted, they are not Americans, but the British have voted Tom Cruise the most irritating actor of the year.

Okay, just kidding. I do not really know why there is cause for hope. If you really think about 2005, or have the year shoved in your face by morning news programs, it is certainly cause for getting a prescription for some strong antidepressants. Yet, in another way, all of the tragedies that befell so many people really crystallize how precious life is. Both life and time are fleetng. Furthermore, if people can rise up, get that dirt off their shoulder, and keep going after bombs, earthquakes, hurricanes, then the everyday things we find insurmountable really cannot be.

One of my cousins has a pretty life-altering physical disability. We were talking about it once, about the impact it had on her life. And she said that at some point, she stopped thinking about the why's of her situation. She said that at some point, she decided, I am here, in this world, and I am not going to cower. I have always loved her for that. Even though she was talking about a physical disability, I think it has equal application for being on the fringe for whatever reason.

There are so many things about me that do not fit into some pre-formed expectation. When I was younger, I used to rail against that. Either I chided myself for not just compromising into the role that seemed to be waiting for me, or I berated society for these false constructs of what people are supposed to do when and how. And now, strangely, I feel no anger towards myself or others. It is a simple fact that there is a bell curve. The whole concept of a mainstream is the notion that a large chunk of the population fit into one general category. The rest of us misfits sit on one edge or the other. We are neither better nor worse than the mainstream. We are just different.

But I am here, and I am not going to cower. I guess if there is a resolution to be made for next year, or the next decade, or the rest of my life, that is it.

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