I scratch a living, it ain't easy, you know it's a drag

Apropos of nothing, can I expound on the genius of the tangelo? It's your basic mutt- I always thought it was a cross between an orange and a tangerine, but actually it's the result of mating a tangerine with a grapefruit. This is hard for me to fathom, because the tangelo contains the nectar of the gods, so sweet is its fruit. This might be the time to point out that I, in my typical, unhealthy fashion, am really not a fan of eating fruit. Orange juice usually makes me pucker, unless it is fresh squeezed. I am a high-maintenance b*tch. But, it turns out it is simply because I had not found the right fruit for me. The tangelo can do no wrong. Lately, I eat three to five a week at work. I know this pales in comparison to the number of fruits one should be eating. However, this is good for me, because I have always lived in fear of falling ill from scurvy because of my poor eating habits.

Now that I have shared that very important and deeply personal news, allow me to take a moment to confess that I absolutely adore it when people call me on my bullsh*t. Okay, maybe I don't always relish it, but I like it when people call my bluffs on this space. The reasons are simple:

a) it means someone is actually reading this crap and
b) it keeps me honest.

This time, youthful upstart Yasmine caught me on conveniently ommitting a rather crucial question I have been pondering for a little while now. Do I take this job and shove it? Or do I suck it up and keep on keeping on?

The answer is a little of both and neither. This work is definitely getting in the way of the golden gloves, the goal, as I have been calling it. But I am heading into two months that are going to thrash me one way or another. And I came to the decision that, while quitting my job might be extremely tempting at the moment, it would not help me right now.

If I was wired differently, it might. If I was wired such that I could quit my job and be care free tomorrow, I would have a great reserve of energy to spend on the big tasks ahead for the next two months, the tasks that might get me closer to getting what I want. If I could wake up tomorrow morning without a worry about paying rent or moving to a less costly place or insurance bills or tapping into savings I will ultimately need for the goal, then it would be a no-brainer. But I know my limitations. I know that it would end up being an upheaval that would distract me from the goal rather than getting me closer to it.

In other words, change is hard. And I lack the energy and willpower necessary to brace myself through it. So, I am wimping out for the timebeing. I wish I could say that I promise not to complain about work in the meanwhile, but we all know what a pile of lies that would be.