Friday, July 21, 2006

I always feel like somebody's watching me

This post should probably be called Irrational Freakout Friday. Unfortunately, I can't think of any songs that have those lyrics in them (note to self: make it the single when you finally release that album that no one will ever buy). Oh, and this reminds me of something that I find utterly endearing about SJM- to this day, whenever we are hanging out and he makes any reference to any song ever known to man, he gives me a little nudge, nudge, wink, wink and is genuinely a little disappointed if I don't get it. How charming is that? Also, I like how he still hasn't figured out what a fraud I am, in every way.

Which brings us to the topic of freaking out. My coworkers always remark about how calm I am at work, and I always give them a look that asks, b*tches, have you ever even talked to me? Because I am not calm, not really. Maybe I give that impression, but believe me, I have an ulcer brewing underneath the surface. Actually, I do not really need to convince all of you of this- sadly for you, there is a front and center seat to my various meltdowns on this blog on a weekly daily frequent basis.

All week, I have been freaking out about working on The Goal. I've also been freaking out about not going to the gym (thanks, gramps, this meltdown, courtesy of you), which I have thankfully not kvelled about here much. And then today, I got an email that freaked me out. A friend of mine emailed me a link to a site that I frequent. I wanted to reply immediately with a b*tch please, I've been reading that site since he first launched it, I've been reading him before he even helped launch that other site. Did I reply with any of this b*tchiness? Hell to the no. Was it because I am not a b*tch? Hell to the no, again. I didn't write back because she does not know I have a blog. And now I am freaking out that she is going to somehow trace me back and then...

And then what? See, this puts the Irrational in Irrational Freakout Friday. Really, it's just a stupid, f*cking blog. And yes, there might be a few remarks that I'd rather not have tied back to me, but whatever. This is the part where I am not only irrational, but hypocritical to boot. I am not a fan of drama. In fact, I rather loathe it. It makes my stomach turn, and I run screaming away from any hint of it. Yet, here I am, creating it out of thin air.

Oh, and even though I quipped about it, I did not really work from home in my pajamas- I am actually fairly worthless if I am not washed and dressed. So, the only real difference between working from home and working from the office is that I can run out to drop off dry cleaning and the other occasional, quick errand. Oh, and I can eat a quarter of a box of Cheez-Its for lunch. But I did Spare the Air today, and did it without even raising my blood pressure on BART.

So it is time for a deep breath. Kneel at the marked line. Arch the back, and wait for the starting gun. On your mark, get set, go. The game is back on this weekend.

No comments: