I always feel like somebody's watching me

This post should probably be called Irrational Freakout Friday. Unfortunately, I can't think of any songs that have those lyrics in them (note to self: make it the single when you finally release that album that no one will ever buy). Oh, and this reminds me of something that I find utterly endearing about SJM- to this day, whenever we are hanging out and he makes any reference to any song ever known to man, he gives me a little nudge, nudge, wink, wink and is genuinely a little disappointed if I don't get it. How charming is that? Also, I like how he still hasn't figured out what a fraud I am, in every way.

Which brings us to the topic of freaking out. My coworkers always remark about how calm I am at work, and I always give them a look that asks, b*tches, have you ever even talked to me? Because I am not calm, not really. Maybe I give that impression, but believe me, I have an ulcer brewing underneath the surface. Actually, I do not really need to convince all of you of this- sadly for you, there is a front and center seat to my various meltdowns on this blog on a weekly daily frequent basis.

All week, I have been freaking out about working on The Goal. I've also been freaking out about not going to the gym (thanks, gramps, this meltdown, courtesy of you), which I have thankfully not kvelled about here much. And then today, I got an email that freaked me out. A friend of mine emailed me a link to a site that I frequent. I wanted to reply immediately with a b*tch please, I've been reading that site since he first launched it, I've been reading him before he even helped launch that other site. Did I reply with any of this b*tchiness? Hell to the no. Was it because I am not a b*tch? Hell to the no, again. I didn't write back because she does not know I have a blog. And now I am freaking out that she is going to somehow trace me back and then...

And then what? See, this puts the Irrational in Irrational Freakout Friday. Really, it's just a stupid, f*cking blog. And yes, there might be a few remarks that I'd rather not have tied back to me, but whatever. This is the part where I am not only irrational, but hypocritical to boot. I am not a fan of drama. In fact, I rather loathe it. It makes my stomach turn, and I run screaming away from any hint of it. Yet, here I am, creating it out of thin air.

Oh, and even though I quipped about it, I did not really work from home in my pajamas- I am actually fairly worthless if I am not washed and dressed. So, the only real difference between working from home and working from the office is that I can run out to drop off dry cleaning and the other occasional, quick errand. Oh, and I can eat a quarter of a box of Cheez-Its for lunch. But I did Spare the Air today, and did it without even raising my blood pressure on BART.

So it is time for a deep breath. Kneel at the marked line. Arch the back, and wait for the starting gun. On your mark, get set, go. The game is back on this weekend.