been lying right here on the floor

When I should have been studying, I wasted a few hours watching overpaid actors act even more self-important than usual. Here are my more self-important than usual thoughts on the 78th:

• Is there any human being that has no chemistry with the Clooney (okay, besides Julia Roberts, who Jon Stewart has previously called an alien anyway)? I mean, Pitt, Mahky Mahk, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lopez, okay, but even Jon Stewart? When he made bedroom eyes at Stewart, I swooned. And his speech was decent too. Damn you, Clooney. I have already explained that I do not want to like you, but you. are. killing. me.
  
• Is it possible that Naomi Watts, in a fit of fury over seeing Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams happily strolling the red carpet, tore up the top of her dress, and then her publicist desperately attempted to glue it back on before she had to present? Otherwise, who would have let her go outdoors looking like that?
  
• It would have been so much funnier if Jennifer Garner had actually fell, instead of tripping twice on her dress. Okay, I guess I am still bitter about Vaughn and the demise of Alias.
  
• Jon Stewart's "Martin Scorcese: 0 Oscars, 3-6 Mafia: 1 Oscar" worked on so many levels that it was perfect. I know a lot of people felt Stewart was too subdued, but I thought it was a much better pitch than Billy Crystal's over-the-top antics. Like Hollywood is not sufficiently full of itself.
  
• I hate biopics. Therefore, I liked the dig Stewart took at Walk the Line, and I absolutely adored Joaquin's b*tch-face at the joke. I think there should be a new award at the Oscars for the most humorless bastard. Last year it was Sean Penn. This year, it is a toss-up between Joaquin Phoenix and Charlize Theron. I think Theron might have just been pissed because someone giftwrapped her before she got into her limo.
  
• There is something scary about seating Jack Nicholson next to Keira Knightley. I'm just saying.
  
• Reese Witherspoon's "just trying to matter" bit was dangerously close to Sally Field's "you really like me!" speech.

Sadly, due to these stupid musings and observations, I am likely to fail the easiest exam I will likely ever take. This makes me sad. Especially because, instead of burying my head in a book during all the boring rambling and pointless movie montages, I turned my attention to making these for the preemie twins that just were just delivered by my coworker's wife:

I expect that I will be drinking Ensure any day now, thank you very much.

Oodles and I have been testing each other to see if one of us combusts from hanging out with each other. I am happy to announce that there have been no explosions to date. Therefore, whether she would like to admit it or not, she is going to Spain with me. Anyone else is welcome, although you may be subjected to the same pressure tests.

Also, in my tireless pursuit of wasting money, I bought some cappucino chips on Saturday. Who knows what will become of these, but I am assembling quite a collection of ridiculously flavored chips now. Some day, one of you poor souls may find yourself on the receiving end of a mint, cappucino, white chocolate, caramel swirl, peanut butter, butterscotch, dark chocolate chip cookie. Run. Run away now.