it's okay, I know nothing's wrong

Whereas in September and October I was rather enthusiastic about crossing the country repeatedly, I have lost the will to get onto an airplane. Silly really, because this time, I am just landing in the middle, half the distance at most. But somehow it feels more daunting. And not just because my bank statements of late look alarming compared to usual.

I know for certain that I am not going anywhere for Thanksgiving. Sometimes, this time of year, I make plans to go visit family, and spend my Thanksgiving taking requests in absurdly spacious kitchens in Texas, while mamas give me lectures about getting hitched. This year, I am crossing my fingers that the original G, JP, will tolerate my presence at his table. Last year, after he cooked a mouthwatering meal at Thanksgiving, I further coerced him into hosting Christmas dinner at his house, because his place is the Breakers to my cardboard box.

It feels a bit like I am begging for my supper. Then I must remind myself that I create these situations of solitude. They are all of my own making. My parents would have liked me to go back to EBF, the rest of my family would welcome me in Bush country. It is my choice to stay here. But during the holidays, everyone scatters back to the places they call home. And what's more is that I get these idiotic visions of what I want the holidays to be. I somehow wind up buying into the whole turkey, pumpkin pie, watching some lousy movie notion of what Thanksgiving ought to be.

I am whining about all of this now, but I know I am actually quite fortunate. More likely than not, JP will take pity on me, and he will cobble together a strange bunch of foreigners, locals, and maniacs. He will forgive me for not meeting him in Madrid last month. He will say, "You are ess-stupid. I don't like you." And I will apologize profusely. He will then deliver an unintelligible lecture about how I need to "just shine" (seriously, he's done it before and I still haven't figured out what he is talking about). And finally, he will threaten to force me to do a line of cocaine, while I shake my head at him. Hey, I never said he was perfect.

Speaking of JP, I am supposed to meet him for dinner tonight, and made a typical miscalculation today at lunch. I could not resist the call of the burrito. Oh, will I be sorry tonight, because JP almost always suggests that we hit his favorite tacqueria. Two burritos in one day- I might be heading to the ER by this evening.

Can I ask you all a Guju question? Here is the thing. I have been doing a lot of traveling lately, and I am starting to feel like I am hemorrhaging money as well as vacation time. I am not sure if I should indulge in a splurge or not. I have to choose between this place and this one. The problem here is that one is $110 more expensive than the other. If I posed this dilemma to the broseph, he would undoubtedly respond with his signature, "you're worth it." But frankly, I am not sure I am worth it. And I am also worried that I am becoming some pampered wuss who cannot handle one night in a lousy hotel room. But then comes the other factor- I have to don a suit the next morning and look professional, so it would behoove me to be well-rested. I don't know. Help me, people, I'm holding out for a hero.