Thursday, August 24, 2006

I've been uptight and made a mess

Two e-mails diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not tolerate both.

Why, you ask? You be the judge.

How to get married-
I can't quite explain how this all happened so suddenly. Then again, nothing in my life has ever been planned, and it's only right that things occur without adequate warning.

How not to get married-
I have made a complex decision with a lot of factors coming into play, but I have made this decision. I really hope you will all support me and, importantly, I truly hope you will all be there at my wedding. I will be very sad if you can't be there. It is going to be soon because I am planning to try to start a family right away.

It is likely that these passages taken out of context will not deliver the full thrust of what I am trying to point out. But I will just say this: I am over the moon, thrilled for one, and worn weary considering whether it is intelligent to remain friends with the other.

Let me pose a question that relates to this frustration of mine. What do you do with a friend that is in an endless lather, rinse, repeat cycle of drama? What do you do when you have already pointed out the cycle and how it is not productive to keep riding the ferris wheel ad infinitum? And then you've already pointed out, your friend acknowledges it, but still chooses to make the same mistakes over and over again? Is it good form to stand by a friend who is stuck in this kind of Groundhog Day?

This is why I am a crap friend. I cannot do it. Maybe this is another example of what a tomboy I am. I can't sit by and watch a friend flailing endlessly. I want to fix the problem. I want my friend to get it together. And I think a part of me really believes that people that never have their sh*t together are not just victims of bad luck. Rather, they have made the decision that life is somehow more entertaining when you are inconsolable.

One friend took exception with this line of reasoning this week, suggesting that I am just as down in the dumps about life. This, I reject, however. Either she does not know me, or she chooses to see a flash of sorrow in otherwise content eyes. Her other argument is that I don't understand because I just bounce back faster from disappointment. Again, I call bullsh*t.

This sort of thing annoys me because people often assume I am made of stone simply because I do not allow myself to wallow in the self-pity pool interminably. But I have had heartbreak. Heartbreak, I've known on many different levels. I choose to deal with it a bit differently than some of my friends do, but it never fails to annoy me when they lord their sorrow over me. As if they somehow have more capacity for feeling. That sh*t drives me batcrazy.

This is neither here nor there, I suppose. Although, wow, I just realized how angry this tends to make me. Today, I gave my coworker KL an experimental mango cheesecake (it needs work) in a teeny pie tin, and T started accusing me of domestic tendencies. Heh- he wouldn't say that if he ever saw my crack shack. Anyway, KL said, "Sometimes people just buy little pie tins because they're cute." RR & T had some fun at my expense after this:
    T: Does she strike you as someone who would buy a pie tin because it looked "cute"?

    RR: No, she'd buy a pie tin because it looked angry.

Sometimes, it's good to have guys around to keep you from taking anything too seriously.

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