knots I've got yet to untie

Hello peeps. It would be a simple thing to say that I have not had time to post. It would be a little white fib and you would have no proof I was lying. But I would know it was a lie and it would slowly eat away at me, and I would feel badly when you maybe passed along a comment or two of very well-intentioned support.

School means busy times, yes. And I had my first quiz on Monday, which meant busier times. But not pulling-out-my-hair-holy-sh*t-how-shall-I-survive busy times. I am just not sure what to write. I could write about my little quibbles, but that would seem awfully disingenuous. And I could write about how great and right this all feels, but that has this tone of ha-ha-my-life-is-so-the-shizzle which I do not care for one bit.

I guess I could tell you this: drinking Stoli (yes, dudes, I just felt bringing a bottle of Grey Goose to a party would be too pretentious around people who do not know what a jacka$$ I am about my vodka) and kamikaze shots the night before Anatomy lab is something I will probably not do to myself again. Don't worry, y'all, I'm old and sh*t, so I know how to keep myself in check, but also, since I'm old, I know that I don't need to subject myself to that feeling again.

Also, I could tell you one other thing. Most of school is a lot of by-the-numbers stuff right now- facts, concepts, file them away, get them stored and ready to recall for a test. But there's also a component that is very touchy-feely. Now I know this is part of medicine, and this is something that, to some extent, I like. But sometimes it makes me roll my eyes.

But in the midst of all that eye-rolling, one of the instructors leading the session asked us how many people we could count on, how many people we could turn to for help if we felt in need of it. My number was less than 10, but, when I thought about it later, it really should have been less than 5. After he'd asked us this, he told us that, as you progress on through training, that number drops down even lower.

I could see that some of the younger students were totally in disbelief of this. On the other hand, I was sort of wondering if I'd even be able to say that I could count on 1 or 2 people by the end of this year. Already, I have been shocked at how, just between the time I left San Francisco and got here, so many people have slipped away from my life. Stranger still, unlike some of my fellow classmates, I really cannot imagine fostering deep and meaningful relationships with them. Certainly, I will make friends, have made friends, but friendship in such a simple form is a rather transient notion really.

Oh- since I have been really irregular about posting lately, and since I don't know when I will get it together and start writing with anything vaguely interesting to say, I am putting the song-of-the-week gig on temporary hiatus. Not that many people were grabbing the tuneage anyway, so I doubt there will be a big outcry.

Wait! One more thing. One really important, monumentally awesome thing- did you know that J is back on the blog scene, giving it a much needed boost of hilarity? If I could do cartwheels, I would totally be doing them in my living room right now in celebration. It's amazing to me that J's writing voice is exactly the same as it was when she last blogged (which feels very long ago because I've missed her every day since then). So, go welcome her back, beg her to stay awhile, and never let her leave again.