one that won't make me feel too bad, one that won't make me feel too good

The 10-15 minute walk home may have given me heat stroke and a sunburn. That is not right. I just wanted my objection to be noted.

Lesson for the week: I like to say the words fascicles and phalanges. Sometimes, I like to say them with flare. Also, jejunum, although I always make it sound way more French than it probably should, which is rather hilarious given my absolute failure to grasp the slightest bit of French pronunciation.

The meltdowns I've been having are of the good variety. I mean, except the meltdowns that have to do with actually, physically melting because the heat is actually causing me to liquefy and lose all integrity. The other meltdowns have been useful. Some have spurred me on to study when I needed a stiff kick in the pants. Others have afforded me the realization that I need to calm down a bit. And still others have shown me that I need to join a gym, because some anxiety-related energy usually goes away with a good walk or a run at the gym- a good walk is not possible at the moment without IV fluids, an air-conditioned shirt and maybe a cabana boy following me around misting me with Evian. So, the gym may be a necessity.

Not all meltdowns are a problem. Some just need to happen, are a natural progression of figuring things out. So, I haven't likely had the last of my meltdowns, but I am not feeling one fast at my heels either. That is a nice way to end the week.

I have started to figure out which people accelerate and which people quench imminent meltdowns. And there too, both are necessary, in an odd way. It is a bit humorous to me that the big selling point that nearly every medical school boasts of these days is a non-competitive atmosphere. I hate to break it to them, but that shizz does not exist. Sure, people are not going to shank you when you turn your back. But on the other hand, these are people that had to fight and claw their way to distinguishing themselves from a pretty high-performing pool of candidates-- that shizz leaves some damage, and just having pass-fail classes does not magically transform them to angelic team players. However, that does not bother me. In fact, a little bit of it probably keeps everyone honest.

Man, I hope I'm not always this boring from here on out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find a bucket of ice and dunk my head in it.