Monday, January 24, 2005

dead end world

Call the police, there's a madman around. Yes, I'm posting twice in a day. That probably means I won't post again for the rest of the week, if the verbal vomit that is my blogging is a zero sum game. Which, of course, it is not, since you, poor readers, always lose!

I got some more bad news today, again. Sigh. I know this is part of a process, that I have no choice but to carry on and see the whole process through its natural progression. But it feels gutwrenching. And for the record, what I'm talking about has nothing to do with men or arranged marriages or any such thing. If it was, I'd allow myself to wallow a lot more about things. But somehow, this feels more important, more momentous, more life altering. And the scary part is, what if it is, but in the wrong way? I've been looking for change, but what if the change is something catastrophic?? What if this turns out to be the moment where life became a big disappointment? I go down this path, the inevitable path towards freaking-out-dom, and then I hear my friend A's voice going "dude, calm down, stop freaking out."

And he's right, he's right, I know he's right (TM Carrie Fisher from When Harry Met Sally).

On the other hand, putting the bad news aside, today has been one of those days that feel very energizing. I'm putting together a presentation for work, and this has suddenly driven me. That's because I'm at the conceptual/research part of the presentation, rather than the powerpoint/cursing at my computer screen part of the presentation. Still, I do love a good hunting expedition. Ferreting out information and then watching as the facts line up to form a theme, a punchline to a story. When it works out at its best, the story writes itself. It's simply a matter of harnessing all the information into something bite-sized, something digestible. And when I get that right, I feel a sense of accomplishment more than anything else that comes along with my job. The only problem is, these are the sorts of presentations that I don't really get paid for. I do them because they're educational for both me and the people with whom I work. But they aren't really part of my job description. When the favorite part of your job is the stuff you're not officially supposed to be doing, you know you're in trouble.

In other news, Maria Full of Grace is a kick ass movie, albeit rather disturbing in some parts.

In other other news, I find it really disturbing that the state where I currently reside can not supply clean drinking water to all of its towns. Shouldn't the state have some accountability here? Or am I on crazy pills?

No comments: